Most expensive cigarette

So, it was 12:30am and I'm getting ready for bed. I don't usually smoke this late but decide to have one more cigarette before bed. So, dressed for bed in a tank and underwear..I go out on the porch with my kindle and a cig. As I shut the sliding glass doors behind me I heard a CLICK. I immediately turn around and note with SHOCK that I have just locked myself out of my house. After screaming and trying to to pull the door off the track, I decide to sit down and have the cigarette. As i sit and ponder the options I have, I am reminded that at least 5 people have keys to my house. One of them is three blocks away. However, ALL 3 of my phones are in my house and I don't have any ones number memorized. So after some reflection I realize that i am going to have to find a phone. I am not an overly social person and don't really know my neighbors. Don't judge. I work long hours with crazy mean people and I like to keep to myself when I am home. In any case I do know the neighbor to my left and have exchanged pleasantries when one of us was coming or going. So I went to her house and knocked on the door. Her car wasn't there but I am hopeful. No luck. So I am now in my front yard in my underwear and try the one window up front and cannot get in. So, I take a deep breath and head across my front lawn to the neighbor on my left. Now, I have never met this neighbor that moved in two years ago and I think it is a guy but I have actually never seen him...Remember long hours...Anyway I know he is home because his car if there and I ring the doorbell several times until I hear him get up. So, he comes to the door and asks who it is. I explain to him that it is his next door neighbor (names are not important and he wouldn't know it anyway) and that i need to use a phone because I have locked myself out of the house. He pauses and asked me if I have a phone and I explain that they are all locked into my house..and i mention, BTW, I am not completely dressed.

So, he opens the door and hands me the phone and asked me who I was going to call. I said 911. He said, Seriously? I said, DO YOU KNOW the NON-emergency number? He said know so I told him not to worry. the 911 operator settled down after I repeated 3 times that it was NOT an emergency. I explained my dilemma about being locked out of my house and his response was , Yeah, we don't do that. To which I replied, I know you don't do that but you can connect me to someone who can because although it is not an emergency to him...I am in my UNDERWEAR. Then he asks me if I have a pad and paper and and I ask the neighbor who is standing in the door sighing and acting irritated. He asks me to hold on so I am standing under what has to be a 100 watt bulb, sweating in my underwear with no bra and a tank top trying to get a cool breeze from the AC coming out of the crack in the door. He brings me back some paper and I get 3 numbers from the operator (in case they don't answer he says) and thank him and hang up. I then wipe the sweat off the neighbors iphone and dial the first number. I get an answer from the second number and the guy says he will be there in 20 minutes. I again, wipe the sweat off the phone, thank the neighbor and start heading back to the house with a GOOD LUCK from him as he closes the door and turns off the light.

I then walk back across the front lawn and wait for the locksmith...in my underwear. He eventually shows up and introduces himself as I hide behind the front pillar and let him know that I am not completely dressed. He handles it like a pro and gets right to work..trying to find the cheapest access into my house..which until that night I did not know was such and impenetrable fortress. After 2 doors and one car door attempt he manages to open my passenger car door where i use my garage door opener to access the kitchen. He tells me to take my time. SO, I go in and put some shorts on and then come back out with my checkbook. Of course, they don't take checks but was more than happy to take a credit card and the total was $150.00. $50 for the service call....$100 for it being after midnight. Yeah...most expensive cigarette ever...............

Really?

"Hello"
"I've been calling you.. how are you?
I'm fine.
You didnt call me back.
I texted you right after you called me
I didn't get it.
What's up?
You need to check the number.
I texted you and told you I was in a meeting. I just assumed you were busy.
I didn't get the text. That's the third time I didn't get a text you say you sent.
I sent it... I don't kinow what to tell you.
Check the number.
Are we really arguing about the phone...again?
Just check the number.
Okay.
Okay.
What did you call me about?
Well, I wanted to spend the ten minutes I had on my way to my friends house to chat..but that didn't turn out the way I planned.
Okay..well im on my way to trivia.
Umm..can you call me when you get out.
Um..ok.

Ugh..I was so angry. I can't believe he called me and yelled about the phone. After sitting at trivia for a few minutes I started to get angry and then I thought of a nasty text to send him. So...I pulled my phone out of  my purse and pushed all the buttons to send him a scathing text...and I realized I had been texting his social security number.